if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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