we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
