According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
