I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
