Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
