hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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