do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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