It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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