You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
