sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
