Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
