remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
