I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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