broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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