Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
