There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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