Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
