I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
