it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
