Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
