So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Are we still banned from the library?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
