using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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