i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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