your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
