im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
