becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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