can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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