So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
