Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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