I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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