Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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