I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
