you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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