did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
