oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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