she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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