I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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