apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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