You really coming over, don't trick.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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