Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
