I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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