dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
