Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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