Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
