You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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