I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
