I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
