The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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