so explain again why im purple
no
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
