your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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